Friday, October 21, 2016

Nintendon't

I hear Nintendo is announcing some new hardware innovation again, and we should all be saving our lunch money for the Next Big Thing. This is the same thing they always do. They come up with a hardware gimmick and then remake all their old games for the new platform, usually not even using the new gimmick:

  • The original NES used to come with a robot. How many games did they (or any 3rd party developers) make for that robot? Since the NES, how many of their new platforms have come with robots?
  • The Super NES came with more controller buttons than any game could actually use. Since then, how many platform games have needed that many buttons? More than use crappy robots, but still a low fraction.
  • The Game Cube introduced mini-DVDs. The piece of crap didn't even play DVDs and as far as I know none of their systems since have played DVDs in spite of being disk players. The other innovative thing about that platform was the compact design... and that was the last time they made a cube-shaped game platform.
  • The Wii added the wand. Thank goodness for that, because where would the gaming world be at now if it weren't for wands. Look at all the amazing wand games that came up that changed the gaming world forever on the Wii. Oh wait, the wand made exactly zero impact, even on Nintendo games, and again they just pumped out exactly the same old side-view-scrolling-jumping-crap they always make, which technically did use the buttons and track pads and joy sticks on the wands, but did not use wand functionality.
  • The Wii U added game-boy-like controllers to the Wii design (may as well, the wands were useless) because you know what we all need more than anything else? Two screens to watch while playing a game instead of one. Oh wait, I guess not. 
  • Generation after generation of Game Boy has been produced with only the slightest bare bones enhancements, and then remarketing nearly identical games from the last gen to the new gen platform.
  • Numerous other failed projects like the Virtual Boy, 64DD, power glove, etc. had the least inspiring possible level of innovation.
Nintendo has made only two hardware innovations that impacted game design: 
  1. The track pad on the original NES controller instead of a joy stick. It was innovation, a step back in technology from a joystick, but innovation none the less which did massively impact consoles (for the worse, since joysticks are better.) 
  2. The alternative/fix to the track pad, the analog/thumb joystick on the Nintendo 64.
Nintendo has no problem selling you a new console, making you pay for their risks, and reselling you the same old crappy games for the 7th time in a row in 3 decades.

The main problem Nintendo has for innovation is an extreme intolerance for indy developers. Their policy for 3rd party developers is the most draconian I have ever heard of. Though their hostility towards 3rd party developers likely caused the downfall of the Wii U as the 3rd party devs abandoned the platform in droves, their policy towards indy developers is even far worse, which basically states: "If you are not a major established game company with lots of money and highly experienced game developers, you are unwelcome to even experiment with our platform."

A note here on Nintendo censorship: River City Ransom, the best game for the original NES, has only been brought to one other Nintendo platform. RCR was part of the Double Dragon franchise and was a violent street fighting action RPG, and it was 3rd party. Nintendo's policies guarantee that their best games will NOT come out for new platforms, only the same lame cliche Nintendo crap.

Want a good platform? Don't get another nintendon't, instead get a PS4.

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