But note you have also had some uncomfortable experiences where females expressed interest in you. Most likely they were attractive enough for someone, but not attractive to you personally. Yet you wish the right gal would come along and express interest in you, so this awkward phase of your life could be over.
From a scientific perspective, what you are doing is unsustainable. In order for a man to impregnate a woman under normal circumstances, he MUST be attracted to her. A woman does NOT have to be attracted to a man to be impregnated by him. This means that a man has to initiate the first steps in the relationship, because only he knows who he is and is not attracted to. A woman then has to choose her best option from her list of suitors. Reread this paragraph slowly and deeply ponder the implications.
You think you are nice because you play your cards close to your chest and don't constantly harass women with what you think of them. In fact you are just leaving them to drown with the Leykis 101 sharks, giving them less options because you are afraid of rejection.
Here's what you should do instead:
- Be calculated. Yes you must be attracted to a woman, but make sure you are attracted to her for her personality qualities as well as her physical qualities. Is she smart enough for you? Thrifty enough for you? Don't get too picky, but know exactly why you like her, and make sure she will fit with what you want in life.
- Proximity: Once you have identified a suitable woman, test the waters with casual friendship. Does she hold up to the test of being fun to hang out with? Relationships happen because people spend time with each other. If you hang out with her long enough, a relationship is likely to form.
- Get aggressive. Tell her you like her, make a move. Make more moves. If she makes it clear she's not interested, check with her later to see she's changed her mind, "follow up." Before you give up, be perfectly straight with her: "I really like you, and I think a long term relationship could really work between us. I like you because [insert reasons from 1 and 2 above here.]" If a romantic relationship doesn't form after a few months, network (see if she has friends you try 1 and 2 above with,) and move on to someone else, starting with 1 above. If she objects to you networking with her friends or otherwise moving on, give her another chance: "I have started to see you as only a friend, because you aren't interested in me. It seems you are uncomfortable with me dating other people, are you sure you don't have feelings for me?"
- Stay aggressive. You have to keep letting her know you value her in your life, or the relationship will deteriorate and disappear. You can't let your feminine feelings of needing to be wanted ruin your life or hers, and most long term relationships require much more aggression on the part of the man than the woman. Also, part of being aggressive is if it doesn't work out with one female (if a relationship ends, or if you are rejected before a real relationship forms,) you move on to someone else. Take notes of why you were rejected, and if there is anything you want to change about yourself, change as you move on.
If you can't get aggressive, the "why" you can't get aggressive is an important warning sign. For example if you are afraid to make a move because her husband might shoot you, well you shouldn't be going after married women in the first place. If you are scared because her biker son just got out of prison, then you need to be second guessing your math in step number 1 above anyways. Making moves on employees at work is a universally bad idea.
Don't second guess her taste in men. She knows what she wants, you don't. The way she experiences romantic love is different from how you do, largely because of the differences mentioned above. Never assume a woman is "out of your league," let her make that decision for herself.
"Friend" is not a bad word. You could have a virtually unlimited pool of "just friends" females if you wanted to, but that is not what you want. Give absolutely no heed to the notion that you might "ruin a valued friendship" by being aggressive. Do the world a favor and take indecent advantage of that friendship to pursue 1-4 above.
You are not a princess, so do not wish upon a star for a knight in shining armor to come save you. Rejection will hurt, but you will suck it up, because you are a man, and you will go on to the next one. Society, your future children and your future romance depends on this.
