Karma

 I have an extremely unpopular opinion:

1. Cheating disproportionately impacts men, in that it is more deeply wounding to a man than it is to a woman (all other emotional resilience factors being equal.)

2. There is a natural consequence of cheating for a woman that makes the consequence of her cheating more severe for her than it is for a man, and it has to do with men being an ideal mate for longer than women are.

Cheating Disproportionately Impacts Men

If a woman is raped, a great violence has been committed against her. But in addition to the violence against her, she has been denied the choice of who the father of her child should be. She may potentially give birth to a child that is half her DNA, and half her abuser.

If a man is cheated on, a great theft has been committed against him. He has been denied the right to be a genetic father at all of the resulting child. It's not that half of the DNA was not his to choose, it's that ALL of the DNA is not his whatsoever.

For men the line between violence and theft is much thinner than for women. Because of the potential to give childbirth, women value the sacrifice that goes into creating each life more than men do. Because men as a whole spend so much time getting resources to support families, they see their own life slip through their fingers in sacrifice for wealth, and stealing from them disregards their sacrifice.

It is a joke to say that cheating impacts women as much as it does men. Anyone saying this is either callous towards men or hasn't thought it through. Contemplate this song carefully, and understand the righteous indignation behind it:

Natural Consequences

"I the Lord delight in the chastity of woman" (Jacob Chapter 2.) Peak fertility for a woman is age 18. If she has the luxury of taking herself seriously and her mate selection seriously from a young age, she is likely to have an enjoyable life. But self destructive temptation can destroy a Queen's kingdom.

Many men, including even myself, can get continuously better looking and even stronger all the way into their 50's. Women have no such luxury, they can work very hard to age almost as slow as men, or they can age much faster, those are their two choices. This means that while women get accustomed to being disproportionately desired compared to men at a younger age, as they get older that is completely reversed with men their age being far more desirable than women their age.

The Karma here is that as men shed cheating women their options improve, and as cheating women are shed their options decline. Though I strongly resent this song's lack of sympathy for the damage done to who it is addressed to, I very much appreciatethe tone of regret, desperation, confusion and recognition of maybe-permanent loss that effects and vocals in the song portray:

Lose/Lose Situation

Men in our society generally do respect women, thanks largely to the feminist movement. The dark side of that success is now men are often disrespected by women. No man wants to be cheated on just so he can have the satisfaction of watching Karma run it's course - cheating on some level can be forgiven. However the point of no return comes fast with cheating, and Karma is a vengeful bitch.

Self Actualization

The dancing went well. It got a huge dose of cardio going once a week that I was not otherwise getting. This made me feel a lot better, and think a lot clearer, I suspect because of neurogenesis. This huge improvement in quality of life for me has me thinking a lot about self-actualization vs. the existential crisis.

Most of humanity believes in a benevolent higher power because they have had the experience of becoming desperate, praying for help, and witnessing a miracle as a result. But then why does the higher power not reveal itself to us in every detail? The only answer that works for me is that our beliefs dictate our choices and this higher power highly values our free will. So in the end, our higher power forces us to find our own way of overcoming the existential crisis, thus granting us self-actualization.

Though I have never used drugs, alcohol or tobacco, I am a fan of the notorious industrial band Skinny Puppy. They say heroin users have the existential crisis solved. When an active opioid addict gets out of bed in the morning, they know exactly what their purpose in life is going to be that day: they are going to hustle until they have enough drugs to avoid withdrawal. 

But when people get into recovery, the existential crisis is still waiting for them with all it's horrific riddles and doom. Skinny Puppy had a band member die and disbanded in 1995, and had a comeback in 2004. This is the first song off that first new album when they came back, and among other things it describes the existential crisis better than any other song I know:

The name of the song is I'mmortal. So is the problem either that we are all mortal and are going to die, or is the problem that our souls are immortal so we'll always live with the consequences of our actions? The answer is: yes!

Dancing Past Midlife Crisis

 

Last week I confessed to a friend of mine and her boyfriend "I don't care if I have to pay a male sex worker to take me dancing at a gay bar, I will be on a dance floor this New Years!" (He was like "well... good luck with that..." but she knew I was 100% not joking.) Then this happened:

My age starting with a 5 has been a huge issue for me - I finally have employment that allows me to live comfortably after a lifetime of keeping my "career" on the back burner in favor of family and personal projects, but my life is over half way done - so what good does this comfort do? Just after I turned 50 I met a 55 year old knife fighter on the mat who taught me to focus on my strength training and to stop pouting (and since then I have become 20 lbs lighter and 10% stronger):

In 2021 I went to Detroit for a wedding. My wife's health issues that keep her in bed most of the day were acting up, so I took her back to our hotel room and with her blessing headed back out to the dance floor. It wasn't very long before cell phones were out and people were recording me. (Same cellphone recording happened more recently at an event for high school seniors I was chaperoning.) That 2021 dance floor in Detroit was the most fun I have had in decades. 

I took a year of ballet in grade school and was a captain of a small ballroom dance team for a year when I was in High School, and when the early 90's changed the dance scene entirely, I would practice in a mirror in a basement to a metronome. Later in my 20's I attended hundreds of dances. Dancing was never a sexual thing for me, but rather a fun way to spend time with friends in a social and healthy activity. But you know my ride-or-die BFF's I used to go dancing with in my teens and 20's? They are old or dead now, mostly from ailments that could have been prevented through cardiovascular exercise!

I haven't been sleeping well latey, partly due to lack of any signficant cardio exercise. When I dance I like to hit the dance floor for about 3 hours straight, 180 minutes... take off 30 minutes for slow dances and water breaks, that's 150 minutes. It says "preferably" above because the American Heart Association has noticed it doesn't actually matter very much if that 150 minutes per week is all at once or in multiple workouts, and I am still going to be doing my martial arts and strength training exercises of course.

The big problem with cardio training is it is highly repetitive and thus more likely to result in injury. Over the last 10 years I have been injured jogging more than once, causing me to miss out on several months of serious training. With casual dancing however you are just doing whatever moves you feel like with the beat of the music setting the pace, making it the safest possible cardiovascular exercise.

I don't do break dancing or dirty dancing, but everything else is on the table: swing, hip hop, EDM, goth, square dancing, Latin, ball room, you name it, I am down! The problem is I am going to have to find people to do this with: maybe I know some people already, maybe I don't. Dancing is literally the only thing I want in my life but don't have, and for the sake of my mental and physical health, I have decided to embrace a new adventure of finding dance in my life again.

LGBN

In 2000, George W. Bush (the W,) the worst President of the United States of America (POTUS) of all time, became POTUS under shady circumstances. He proceeded to get the USA into wars that had massive popular disapproval and questionable legality. 

In 2004 after starting those wars, the W was popularly and legitimately re-elected. This was a slap in the face to those of us who cared about peace and healthy democracy. The USA paid dearly in blood and money for decades. But beyond that the balance on the Supreme Court changed to eventually allow the biggest threat to the integrity of the USA's democracy, Citizens United v. FEC, allowing nearly unlimited access to the manipulation of our democracy by those who have the most money. 

I have despised Trump since long before 2016 because if his involvement in ACN and other Multi-Level Marketing schemes which damaged communities and destroyed families. He went so as to promote ACN on The Apprentice:

So yes I was horrified when he soundly defeated Hillary Clinton in 2016. Though he wasn't re-elected in 2020, his impact on the Supreme Court led to the overturning of universal abortion rights in the USA. Virtually no one recommends abortion as the ideal form of birth control: any argument over abortion is a bad omen for any society that has to have it. But as Americans when faced with the choice of two evils (a woman being able to threaten the life of a man's unborn child, vs a woman having to provide legal proof of rape or incest in order to access abortion,) we should pick the evil that allows more personal freedom, not less, but instead we have chosen to have less freedom in the USA.

Beyond this, Trump showed sincere contempt for democracy on January 6th, 2021:

And after all that, the citizens of the USA re-elected Trump! This is the similarity between 2004 and 2024, is the USA reinforced bad behavior against it's own democracy (W's 2000 election scheming & Trump's January 6th.) 

Universal abortion access was the single most sacred political institution for feminism. It is roadkill. The LGBT community needs to radically accept the political reality in which they exist, in order to best serve LBGT. The most important thing to remember is this: 52% of Americans will never accept a difference between sex-at-birth and gender - they frankly will not acknowledge any such thing as gender that is not biological sex-at-birth. That 52% of Americans also believes almost any biological male in a female only space is a threat to female safety, and that same 52% believes in protecting females with lethal force.

I have numerous trans friends, but I do not believe they are well served by using language that 52% of their country will never understand. When a biological-male says they are a woman, having 52% of the country feel they are a threat is of no service to that woman. What I strongly recommend instead is that going forward we completely drop the use of "transgender," and instead use "non-binary." The reason why is claiming to be non-binary is not claiming to be something-you-were-not-at-birth, and is offering more transparency to that 52% who will otherwise possess lethal force and see you as a threat. I think the use of non-binary instead of transgender will make transgender people far safer and far more accepted in our society. 

What the phrase non-binary effectively communicates: this person is not going to conform to your expectations for males and females, but they do not expect you to call them something you do not think they are. I used to think this controversial scene from a recent popular video game was under-serving the transgender cause and was over-preachy towards the transphobic, but now I am thinking is it is the safest survival strategy:

As for gender, I have been against gender specific pronouns since the first Trump presidency:

As a nation we have been in dark places before. We can use that adversity to build personal resilience and stronger, more sustainable survival strategies. Dress however you need to, but if that doesn't meet conservative expectations, I recommend describing yourself as non-binary and as they/them in order to more easily interact with society safely. 

Joseph Smith: Innocent

The founder of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (The Church,) Joseph Smith, was in no way a polygamist. There are two things that must be considered: 

1. The actual evidence that exists and what that evidence suggests, and
2. the narrative that emerges from that evidence powerfully defends Joseph Smith and The Church. It raises questions for Brigham Young, but Brigham Young has always been a problem for The Church and we've been eschewing his influence on our religion since the day he died.

Evidence:

You want a complete breakdown of the evidence? OK, you asked for it, so pay attention:

Joseph Smith, his wife Emma, and Joseph's brother Hyrum were main leaders of The Church before Hyrum and Joseph were assassinated on the same day. They always did preach against any form of polygamy, and excommunicated people for doing anything like polygamy. All of Joseph Smith's interpretations of scripture reject polygamy, and that Jacob 2 verse 30 clearly means "if God wants to a chosen people to grow He will command them to be monogamous, otherwise they will fall into the same evil practice as David and Solomon and have multiple wives." All of the evidence to the contrary is pure trash, and yes this can easily be proven with each and every wife example that has been brought up, as per the video above. That's why DNA evidence has proved that Joseph Smith had no children with anyone but Emma, is because he was only having sexual relations with Emma. If you doubt this, watch the above video again, more carefully this time.

Narrative:

This is very good news for members of The Church, because means that Joseph Smith WAS trustworthy, and that he was NOT a womanizer or pedophile. Now we can look at how The Church got side tracked by polygamy:

Basically people who later led The Church after Joseph Smith did not work very closely with Joseph Smith for very long, and were heavily influenced by other religious sources. The Church was only one of may Christian Utopian movements, and many of those movements disagreed with monogamy. The Church absorbed and was otherwise exposed to these movements both in North American and in Europe. The new leadership under Brigham Young may have believed Joseph Smith had practiced polygamy, even though in hindsight Joseph obviously did not. The fact that this new leadership intentionally altered the historical record shows there was an organized movement soon after Joseph Smith died to try to make Joseph look like a polygamist. Confused or disagree? Watch the last video above again, more carefully this time.

Joseph Smith was a hard-core monogamist and this is great news for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

Good Posture

By "good posture" I mean the practice of while you are standing or moving, keeping your spine in a straight line (usually perpendicular to the ground):

This has numerous advantages for self defense. Naysayers of good posture are generally justifying their own bad posture from overspecialization in some kind of combat sports or fitness training, ignoring 99% of physical therapists everywhere. Here's another view on good posture I agree with:

Recap checklist of that video:

1. Crown of your head stretches for the sky, with a chin tuck as a side effect.
2. Slightly tuck the lower ribs.
3. Keep your hips slightly tilted forward so that your hips are under your shoulders.
4. Shoulders rolled back instead of rolled forward (thumbs facing forward, elbows back.)

The first advantage of being in good posture is having awareness. It requires mindfulness to maintain good posture for most people. You are more likely to defend yourself successfully if you are present rather than when you are distracted.

The second advantage is that you appear stronger and taller. You look like a harder target with good posture. You are less likely to be attacked with good posture.

The third advantage is better posture = better strength. Consider the similarity to dead lifting posture to healthy standing posture as listed above:

The fourth advantage is better posture = less injury. Injury is a poor strategy in a self defense situation:

The fifth advantage is that better posture gives you more lower body flexibility. This is because your nerves and spinal column are a limited length, and slide around inside of your body. When your back is as straight as possible, that uses less of your spinal cord and gives more slack to the nerves in your legs:

Sixth, good posture also gives you more upper body mobility:

Seventh, be it charging or fleeing, running speed is valuable for self defense. Posture improves running speed as well:

Eighth, in grappling we often speak of trying to break the other person's posture in order to dominate them by taking them off of their feet. Part of this is because posture significantly impacts balance, which is valuable for self defense even beyond grappling:

Ninth, good posture helps you keep maximum control over your own head. If your jaw is sticking out forward with your shoulders hunched, your jaw is more exposed to a strike, and it's easier to yank down on your head to control you:

10th, good posture helps our breathing. This helps us heal, but it also helps us get more oxygen into our body when we need that oxygen in an emergency:

11th, good mental health is valuable for making good decisions, and making good decisions is valuable in self defense situations. Good posture helps with mental health:

12th, if you want to verbally de-escalate a situation, which is arguably the most important self defense skill, posture helps with this as well:

In several Chinese martial arts there is an exercise called "standing meditation." One of the most valuable reasons for doing standing meditation in martial arts is simply to consciously work on your posture and postural awareness, for all of the above reasons:

Weaponized Tai Chi

When I was studying MMA in 2018 at Kitsap Combat Sports, I was surprised to discover that light contact continuous sparring had returned to the USA as the preferred form of sparring for training fighters. This picture is a screen shot from their website, the person who's back is facing the camera is me, and the guy with the beard is an amazing instructor:

I was there mostly to learn more about clinch fighting to improve my Tai Chi, but this revelations about light contact was a rude awakening for me. When I had been training in combat sports in my prime in my early 20's (mid 1990s,) we were going beyond full contact, more like daily gym fights, as the only true way to learn how to fight. Even our instructors were telling us back then to take it down a notch, even though they themselves were advocates of full contact training. In retrospect I can see this wasn't healthy, but it did get us to learn the basics of what would now be called Dutch Kickboxing very quickly.

My very first martial art style was Tae Sho Arnis, also known as Tae Sho Karate Do. It was considered "full contact Karate" (similar to "American Kickboxing,") but the regular form of sparring in class had highly controlled contact, basically light contact continuous sparring, which I think originated in the Tae Kwon Do community in the 1970's. We never had matches outside of point fighting tournaments, but the thing is that EVERY SINGLE STUDENT WHO STUDIED THAT ART LATER OR AT THE TIME PROVED TO BE COMPETENT AT DEFENDING THEMSELVES. Was it the strong Arnis influence on the style? Was it some kind of lingering martial benefit from 1960's Shotokan or TKD? Some combination of influences? Who knows, but it worked at the time (late 1980's,) and though I learned later (1990's) mostly through gory full contact slug fests, this new revelation in 2018 helped me connect the dots with that first art I studied.

 

By the time the 2020 pandemic started, I had studied at another martial arts school all together, and realized that I had learned more techniques I wanted to master than I had time left in my life to master, and I wasn't in need of new regular instruction outside of occasional private lessons. I am one of the founders of weapon fight club Tres Espadas, and I do not lack for sparring partners willing to beat on me while I work on my techniques against them.

But in the social abyss of the pandemic, people reached out to me, wanting me to teach them martial arts. The problem was teach them what? Where do you start on something like that? As a martial arts consumer advocate I had strong opinions on what this should entail, but I had no curriculum to go by.

At the same time controversy was erupting about an MMA gym owner in China promoting his line of MMA gyms by beating up cult leaders who thought they knew Tai Chi. It bothered me the state that Tai Chi was in, because in most cases people don't even practice Tai Chi as a martial art, but rather as a much more reliable form of Yoga than mainstream Yoga. Then I got to wondering, what if I applied best practices from a martial arts consumer point of view to Yang style Tai Chi?

My Weaponized Tai Chi project is applying the best practices I have described on my blog to the worlds most common and most controversial martial art: Yang style Tai Chi. Here's the general idea:

1. Every training session or lesson starts with the core Tai Chi exercises, including some minimal posture & strength training, stretching, standing meditation and push hands (including the single hand sensitivity drill, the two hand resistance balance drill, and the moving step free sparring.) 
   
2. I strongly believe that real fights involve weapons. The only way they don't is if YOU are unprepared. I start with the Knife Badge from Tres Espadas, as it teaches evasive movement and a real way to handle multiple attackers if necessary. The knife can easily be substituted with pepper spray which is legally encouraged in my state.
3. Mostly because of popular demand, I then include some Arnis basics for stick fighting. 
4. Once the student understands the basics of knife and stick free sparring, then they are ready to get into real-weight fighting weapons, such as Nihozashi Padded Katanas. This more closely resembles the weight and heft of most improvised weapons, and the Yang style Saber Form (which I have modified mostly to include the same moves practiced on both the left and right sides,) is the perfect way to show how to swing heavier weapon around with precision, power and defense in mind. So yes, the way _I_ teach Tai Chi is the way Kung Fu would have been taught originally to ancient soldiers, Saber (or Spear) first (spear being the less practical option in today's world. The following picture is not me, but it is a picture of the Katana-like Yang style Tai Chi Saber.)


5. Once the student has mastered the long journey (40 or so training sessions) of learning the Tai Chi saber, they are ready for adding controlled contact sparring with punches, kicks and other techniques from an unarmed Tai Chi form. (I use a modified version of the Yang Style 16 movement form, replacing moves I don't like (stork spreads it's wings) with moves I do like (golden rooster, high kick) and again rearranging the form to make sure the same moves are practiced on both sides of the body.)
   
6. Once I am satisfied that the student is prepared to fight with and without weapons, then we explore grappling deeper. Head grabs, chokes and leg grabs are added to the moving step free sparring to form Tai Chi Wrestling. Also an attacker versus defender focused sparring is practiced, where both partners start on the ground in side control; the one on bottom is trying to escape to their feet and the one on top trying to get in a guillotine or RNC, and when one wins, they trade roles and continue.

As for the longer Tai Chi forms or famous Tai Chi straight sword, I don't bother, this curriculum is intentionally brief. It's all limited to 100 lessons. After that 100 lessons, if they want they can keep training with me on the same curriculum, if they want a wider variety of weapon sparring they can participate more fully in Tres Espadas, if they want to learn more about knife and stick there is plenty of Filipino Martial Arts in the area, if they want to perfect their striking they can study Muay Thai at a few different gyms in this area, if they want a wider variety of martial arts knowledge there's plenty of Traditional Martial Arts around here, if they want to work on their grappling I would send them directly to Kitsap Combat Sports for MMA, and if they want to get more serious about Tai Chi there are a few legitimate Tai Chi masters within a few hours of here that I can refer them to. Weaponized Tai Chi is only intended to be for beginners or to augment someone's training if they are not a beginner, it's not meant to be a comprehensive martial art for the life long martial artist, nor is it a catalogue of all the knowledge I have regarding self defense or martial arts.